Down South

I'm back. Or as often as I can be considering the shaky wireless I'm stealing from the neighbors of my brother in law. The end of this quarter was rough, but it's done and now I'm in Pittsboro, North Carolina. We're staying with Luke's middle brother Erik for a couple of days before we, our luggage, and wo cats, make the long haul up to NJ. Mark, the youngest brother, is in the area but leaving soon. The basic plan is to sleep, eat, drink, Christmas shop, and generally dick off. Man, it's nice to be on vacation.

The house we're in is awesome. I have total house envy. It's huge, nice stone floors, vaulted ceilings, natural wood and lots of windows. I love that it's far enough into the woods that you don't need curtains on your windows because there is no one close enough to see you in all your naked glory. Especially coming from California, where "single family home" means there is a 6 in gap between you and your neighbor, it's really freakin' cool.

Ok, not much more to report and I have to stop typing b/c my shoulder is killing me.

Happy Hanukkah! To all who celebrate.

Panic Room

I swore not to post until I had more work done. I have a better post I'm forming about studying the Holocaust vs. teaching the Holocaust - but I cannot hold this in.

After meeting to discuss Foucauldian's Raimbow (Foucalutian? I can't spell) with fellow bloggers reallytiny, goat cheese, Tweak, and kungfuramone, all of us but kungfu wandered over to check out our new, spiffy grad lab.

It is in the basement. Hell, it is a basement. there are no windows. 3 of the walls are made of concrete blocks, one is painted white. There is no ventilation other than than a/c. I repeat, no freakin' windows! The lights are awful, the cwiling is unfinished piping, and it looks like a hospital basement. WTF?! it's ugly and we're never even going to be able to tell what time of day it is. Who designs a classroom with no windows and no natural light? Putting a bunch of sleep deprived stressed out grad students in a windowless room sounds like a brilliant idea. Let's just pad the walls while we're at it. Christ.

Grrr...

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Ha Ha! Bow before me! Bow I say!

Bow, or I will reveal countless useless bits of arcane knowledge stored up in my noggen!

Um, ok, back to work.

I think I'm losing it....

Grad School Eats my Brain... mmm. brain

I have no time. I'm very busy and hav e been thinking of posts in my free time, but have too much to do this week and next week to post regularly. So, in lieu of the major summary post that will cover my Thanksgiving (surprisingly low on drama), I will post some pictures to distract you, gentle reader, for the time being. These are all from Thanksgiving, and are a brief trip through the animal filled weekend.

This first one is my brother's in law's year old Yorkie, Marley. He's full of energy and cute as a button.


Next is Luke holding the abandonded kitty we found while on a walk with my sister. His name is Oscar and we took to an animal shelter. I think my dad's wife, Cindy, is going to follow up on his condition.

This is Max. Max is huge. He suffers from super fat cat (in part due to being a eunuch, in part due to being WAY over fed), with a little head syndrome. Here he is pictured with the antlers I bought for my sister's cat.


And here is Luna, my sister's totally awesome 16 pound cat. She is extremely talkative, friendly, and despite being on a special diet, seems bigger everytime I see her. I had the incredibly fantastic idea of my sister holding antler-wearing-Luna for her holiday cards. So here is Luna, in all of her glory. And the hottie holding her up is my sister, the occasional hand in the background is the other hottie in my life, Luke. (named Snow White by my sister because of his magic touch with animals. Witness the magic touch...)






sorry, no bisexual bird photos this time, but if I can convince my sister to run around naked with the cockatoo chasing after her, you bet I'll post those on the internet.

(love you, Erin...)

Home Alone

Luke's away at a conference . He's roughing it in a beautiful resort in Yosemite. On the down side, I'm jealous and wish I was with him exploring the park. On the upside, I get the house to myself.

And what do I get to do tonight, here, all by myself??? Study for German! Man, my life is so exciting, sometimes I can barely contain myself.

Ok, back to the subjunctive. Ich kann Deutsch.

In some good news, (Chris, pay attention) I found a summer program in German at UC Berkeley, 3 days a week, 2 hours in the morning, German readings class designed to improve comprehension and quote: "for graduates preparing for reading examinations". Best part (how sad this is the best part...) it's only $800, so there would be time to say, get a job and have some income in addition to learning the German.

So, if I don't get the $$ needed to study in Germany, or here for that matter, this one would be doable, and hopefully prepare me for what I need.

Confessions of a Trekkie

I love Star Trek. Specifically, I love ST:TNG. It was my first real glimpse into the world of science fiction, and gave me my first TV crush as a young, and impressionable middle schooler. I was going to marry Wesley Crusher. I even had a picture of the geek-of-my-13-year-old-dreams on my wall. This explains a couple of things: my love of nerds, science nerds to be specific; and why I couldn't get a date until I was 17 (the perm palyed a large role in that too, but that's another post).

Unfortunately, Wil Wheaton left the show, I discovered Beverly Hills 90210 and Seinfeld, and we went our separate ways. I went on to marry the dork-of-my-20-year-old-dreams, and from what I hear Wil is doing well with a family of is own.

For those who don't know, I am a loyal reader of fark.com a kooky list of media stories submitted with zazzy headlines. The real beauty of fark are the threads, where all sorts of dorks, geeks, fanatics, fundamentalists, college students, and other such nuts with too much time on their hands, can post to their heart's delight. To the left are two of my favourite pics commonly posted: "O RLY?" Owl, whose stencil you can see on one of the benches at the Health Center Bus stop and "buttseks owl".

Much to my joy and delight, Luke, my then-unknowing-of-my-Wesley-obsession-husband, mentioned that Wil Wheaton is not only a reader, but a fairly common poster on fark boards. In dedication to all things Wil, they even have a Wil tag for Wil related stories.
Today we were treated to one of Wil's ST:TNG episode summaries. For those trekkies out there, read it you'll laugh your ass off.

Salsa Fanatics

Luke and I are salsa fiends. Jeff brought by this mega tub of salsa on Sat night. We finished it, completely finished it, on Monday. And we didn't even eat at home on Sunday. Salsa is like a vegetable/salad for us. The chips are merelly a vehicle for the tomato-y goodness.

In unrelated news, I slipped in the dance studio and landed funny on my wrist. The last few years my wrists have been noticibly weaker and this fall was anything but fun. Thank god for Advil and I think I may pick up a wrist support the next time I'm out. I'm getting old... I think I need more calcium in my diet.

They Liked It...

I've been feeling bitter. Bitter, and stressed, and burned out. I'm so glad this quarter is almost over and I've decided that I need to seriously change my outlook before I 1) cry in class (again) 2) freak out in class (again) or 3) make everyone I'm around miserable because I can't get over my own shit.

The issue, and i'll do this briefly because I don't want to bore my readers, is that I'm frustrated. I'm not lacking in confidence (or ego for that matter). I know I'm good at what I do. I wouldn't have come to grad school if I wasn't. Frankly, all of us know that we're good at what we do, we wouldn't have made the choice to be in history if that wasn't the case. Of course there's always room from improvement.. and that's what's driving me nuts. I know I have a big jump to make from where I am now to where I need to be to be competitive professionally. I know I'm not there, and I want to be pushed to be there, but I'm not sure that's happening. Maybe my work is as good as my profs seem to think it is, but I'm getting wary of the positive feedback. I know that sounds completely and totally batshit insane, but the research proposal I turned in needed work. Desperate work. And the comments... she liked it, and felt I had outlined a really good project. Well, I already knew the project was solid, but the proposal was crap. I wanted it ripped to shreds. re-reading that, I must be insane.

I feel sort of nuts (that may also be the last of the Halloween candy I scarfed down...), so I'm going to sign off, promise to post more often, and spend the rest of the evening with Luke watching a movie.

keep on truckin'

Must... keep... working...

It hasn't been a super long day, just an exhausting one. Gender makes my brain hurt. Actually, I'd like it better if it actually made my brain hurt from the flexing of my mighty intellect, rather than just giving me a bitch of a headache. Unlike my other classmates I haven't received my research proposal back. Frankly, I'm not too worried - I already know it's a piece of crap, so there's not much she can tell me that I don't already know. In fact, seeing how hard she seemed to reem everyone else, I'm glad that my concluding paragraph consists of "I don't have a conclusion yet, you'll get it in the next draft."

I'm understanding Derrida better (which is good because I present on him tomorrow and have to write a paper by 2 pm tomorrow afternoon), but I'm still in for a long night of work. The issue I run into with position papers with someone like Derrida is I make my position, I state my argument, but I'm always afraid that I've read him wrong or just didn't get it as well as thought I did. After Derrida on Tuesday, I have 30+ papers to grade, all the grades to record and evals to write, and read and prep for section, which my prof is going to sit in on. Oy Vey!

The work just never ends.

In random musings, I think that everyone should be forced to take a class on the basics of capitalism and the capitalist system, as well as a readings course on Marxism, Marxist history and Neo-Marxist history. I'm amazed at how many of my students cannot define capitalism, and throw about marxism and Marxist terminology w/o having any idea what they are talking about.

go, go, gadget brain!

Paper Done!

God that was evil, now onto Derrida -
up, up, and away!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Or, holy crap I don't want to write my gender response.

I hate writing. More percisely, I hate getting started on my writing. I love developming my argument and feeling like I was able to drive a point home with particular thrust and grace - but I hate getting started. I will do anything, anything to put it off. I'd rather spend 8 hours working on a presentation or preparing a lecture.

I know writing gives you a deeper grasp of the readings, I know it's good practice and all that jazz, but these short essays, particularly in the "reflection paper" format, just make me want to jab pointy things into my brain. I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like book reviews better!

Grumble, back to starting...

Mmmmm steak

I just found my two favourite reasons to keep eating meat. Courtesy of a USA Today opinion, I give you:

•As a country boy in South Dakota, while in high school I worked in an old-fashioned "butcher shop." Owner Tom Rosser paid me $1 a week and all the salami I could eat. He also taught me how to cook a steak rare.

•In Europe in WW II, we all knew that that Nazi nut Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian.

Full editorial here.

In all seriousness, although I tend to eat a lot of non-meat dishes (cheap grad student, it happens), I could never give up meat entirely. I like it too much. There is just nothing like a New Orleans BBQ shrimp, or a thick fillet mignon that's just slightly more than seared on the outside with asparagus, hollandaise, and a bottle of red wine.

I take it back

Jeff didn't get me sick, frankly I'm not nearly as sick as he was.

I just like having someone to blame and he, having sniffled his way thorugh the last 2 weeks, was an easy target.

I like having an escape goat.

(If you don't know what an escape goat is, you've never taught a Holocaust class and read student papers. Every class, never fail, I get at least one "Hitler used the Jews as an escape goat" comment. Escape goats make me smile inside.)

http://beta.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifBest hubsand evar

I came home after a short sction and printing article to find Luke, waiting at home, with a big pot of coffee. There's just something wonderful about that.


Inspired by this crapedemia post I've been thinking about my wiritng alter-ego. I'm surprised it took me so long, because it's fairlly obvious:

still sick, still bitter

But at least I'm bitter about being sick (and not about grad school, for once).

I got to have one of those my-head-is-in-a-sudafed-induced-highly-caffineated-fishbowl teaching experiences today. The adrenaline from teaching collided with the caffeine from my cold meds and wooooooooo! I hope I made some sense.

I'm having a difficult time getting my sections rolling this year. People talk (probably about 1/2 of them), but I'm seeing more blank stares, doodling, or laying down on the desk than I have in the past. I don't know if it's because I don't have as strong of a handle on this material, or that because this class is an underdivision it's just going to be like this.

I have two brief weigh-ins on recent posts by kungfuramone and crapademia. Gender: the problem is that we're stuck in the materiality of the history and never bother questioning the meaning or structure behind the categorization. We're still at the "how does it manifest" rather than "what does it mean that it manifests in this way"?

I think part of this feeds into the fetishization of archives: when you do material or social history, you are doing a materialist type of history. It's a lot about people and things and how people and things interact, rather than looking at the cultural framework, or the expression of the cultural or intellectual framework, and delving into how that structures the way people and things interact.

I use archival research/material to flush out context, but as someone who considers themselves to be a cultural/intellectual historian, it's not where I put the brunt of my focus. Unless you're counting things like archived copies of 1930s and 1940s playbills and political flyers, but I use those to reconstruct or flush out a visual and performative culture that by its very nature has been lost.

In random news, I've decided that my grammer needs work. I think I'm going to pick up "East, shoots, and leaves."

In my bedside "light reading list" - Foucault on Foucault. Maybe it'll be easier with the cold meds :)

*shakes fist*

Jeff, you bastard, I have your cold.

I'm bitter.

BITTER.

I hate being sick.

My Beaver won a prize!

The website I constructed on the Beaver Trade in World History for my world history class won the second place prize in the Southeast World History Association Graduate paper competition. This is very exciting news for me. If you want to take a peek at my page, here's the link:
http://people.ucsc.edu/~kfeinste/

I also want to give special thanks to Luke for helping me with the html and the general layout. Also thanks to Mark for sending me documents from the Duke library, and Erik for helping with some of the proofing.

Pumpkins!

Halloween is one of my favourite holidays. I love the diffused lighting around this time of year and the changing of the wardrobe colors to simulate the basically non-existant changing colors in nature. I had some peeps over this Sat for pasta, drinks and pumpkin carving. Here is my 2006 Pumpkin:

I'm actually feeling a lot better this weekend... about everything pretty much. Nonetheless, I wanted to share a personal favourite of frustrated creative genius. I give you Alfred Dürer's "Melancholia":


Between the look of impotance and frustration and the abandoned tools of her trade, this is a mirror image of what I look like when I sit down to write. Plopped down in my ass groove on my couch, staring in to my computer, surrounded by books, notes, notebooks, pencils, and empty cups of coffee.

I really don't want to write my research proposal. I'm going to go into the grad lab and hope that it inspires me a bit more.

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"

Terry Jones of Monty Python fame was diagnosed with bowel cancer last week. His surgeon believes he caught it early enough, but only time will tell.

As a long and loyal Python fan I sincerely wish Jones the best and speediest recovery.

Plus, he's a historian! Medieval, yes, but one us nonetheless.

Ich kann Deutsch

I got a 95 on my German test. Maybe I'm doing better with the language than I thought.

More later, section in 15 min.

Sweat

I sweat, you sweat, we all, as human animals, sweat. And I hate it. I
don't mind in the I-just-ran-my-ass-off-sweat, or the been-knockin'-boots-for-the-last-hour-sweat,
in fact I really like them both. But I hate the
I'm-in-front-of-a-room-of-undergrads-and-my-arm-pits-look-like-they-went-for-a-swim.
I honestly try to wear only black t-shirts and tank tops when I teach
section.

I've tried just about every anti-perspirant under the sun. In fact, I've discovered that they don't make a damn bit of difference when compared to plain deodorants or nothing at all.

I don't want to be remembered as the TA/job candidate/prof with the
sweaty pits (because you know we all notice it on other people).

Now I'm going to take my sweaty self and go get more sweaty in a sweat appropriate environment.

the friut of the vine

Ah wine, a wonderful way to wind down after a long day. I had a presentation on "Performance as Ritual" today in Performance and Performativities which I think went well. Writing my position paper for that class was one of the hardest essay I've had to write. In part because my alarm didn't go off this morning and while I expected to get up at 6... I really got up at 8 am to write the damn thing. I was also constrained to 3 pages (which turned into 3 and 2/3). Being concise is a challenge for me, particular when dealing with theory I'm struggling to understand, much less take a position on. Either way, it went well, the paper is in, and I've had a great dinner of homemade chicken Marsala over pasta and am on my second glass of merlot.

I'm still not sure how I feel about the new template. It may change w/in a few days.

My new goal is to maintain a google calendar for myself. I'm notorious for buying planners and never using them, so I'm hoping a web-based program will work better for me. I already use gmail and blogger, I might as well keep up the Google product support.

One More

Trying to differentiate myself amongst a sea of templates...

Until I get off my ass and learn html I'm going to be switching through templates for a while.

Updates

I think I've added all the history slug blogs... I'll introduce tomorrow.

While on the academia theme, you must all (if there is an all out there) read this comic.

HAPPY COMING OUT DAY

HURRAY!!!

For all my queer friends and family, for all those closeted, 1/2 out, or out and fabulous, I hope it was a good one.

For all those who aren't out, just know that you are loved, accepted, and always have a place in our hearts and home.

Beavers

I made a beaver joke in class today. In all fairness, it wasn't totally out of context, but since I left section I'm been wondering if I traumatized anyone, alienated anyone, or if I crossed that line of teach/student/grad student/person who stands up in front of class jumps around grades our papers but is really the same as us.

Last winter I created a web page about the Beaver trade for my World History class. I really struggled with that course and in my bouts of hysteria in which I thought I was never going to get through the quarter in one piece, (I was also TAing for the first time, in German II, and taking a class on some of my favourite dictators: Stalin and Hitler), the thought of being able to do an entire research project on our industrious friend the beaver really got me through. Our professor gave us what I at the time thought was an insane, but later turned out to be a lot of fun, "non-term paper term paper" assignment that made me want to bash my head against the wall repeatedly. I generally think of myself as a creative person, but not when under pressure. I dance, for example, but struggle to no end with choreography. In reference to Chris's academic v. struggling artist post, I'm actually going the history route b/c it seemed slightly more stable that pursuing dance professionally, but I digress...

So I'm in my last week or two of the quarter, I'm trying to do a commodity history of the beaver trade, connecting the North American side of the story with the Muscovite furriers in Russia and the gendered division of labour in the hat trade in France... and I sort of get there, but it's boring. Dry, dull, why would anyone want to read this sort of history. My grand tapestry of world history connecting the continents and women's position in totally different "professions" on totally different continents connected by one fuzzy dead animal... just didn't take off in quite the way I envisioned. Yes, we historians do have heroic dreams about writing history - hey, we take what we can get :) My prof recommended doing something with pictures, and trying to restructure to make it more fun, less boring. So I have a week, my term paper is too term papery and I'm fresh out of ideas when I turn to my husband and say, "how about a website?" He takes off his headphones, looks up from Neverwinter Nights and asks, "what?" Which I of course took as a tacit agreement to help me in my website endeavour (I had little idea what I was doing).

Thanks to Google Image search, some quick re-writing and the saint-like patience of Luke and my brother-in-law, Erik, I got the thing done and I'm actually quite proud of it. What can I say, beavers make me happy and in this field you get your joy where you can. Here's the site. The medium actually allowed me to take the history I wanted to write in a different angle, splitting my subject up into 3 related parts that I could not get to flow together in a formal essay.

But once again, I digress. I'm in class and we're discussing the 17th century memior of Glükel of Hamlen. Glükel's memior was written in the last 40 years of her life for her children. For those not familiar with Glükelchen, her writings are the only autobiographical material we have from a Jewish woman at this time, and one of the few, complete surviving women's memiors from the Early Modern period. Long story, short: she's important and reads like your Jewish grandmother, may she live in Blessed memory. Glükel mentions her business with Jewish Muscovite traders and the class is looking at me with the specific blank so-what stare you get with undergrads when you think you've made a big connection but in reality your historical train has left them at the station. I blurted out something about my research, my page and how happy it made me to have a project surrounding beavers, and that the double entendre that sprung to everyone's mind made me happy.

Not too bad, right?

I'll let you know if someone complains of me sexually harassing them or making the classroom an uncomfortable place. Sheesh.
>

First Rain

Ah, the first rain of the season... oodles of naked undergrads prancing about campus... jiggling and bouncing up and down the hills...

There really isn't anything like coming back from a night of karaoke at the local bowling alley to hundreds of tookuses bouncing across the intersection. For those who don't know, First Rain is a tradition here at UCSC in which you strip down and run around campus in your birthday suit the first day/night it rains of the fall quarter. I must say, the temptation to leap out and join them was might strong, tempered mainly by a somewhat tipsy Luke and the fear that I would run into students. And really, what do you way to someone in your section after seeing them without their knickers?

In a rather large break from the norm I have been to karaoke twice in the last 2 days. I even sang, albeit it nervously and probably badly, Cabaret, from the musical by the same name. This followed an impromptu potluck with the new cohort - a sprightly group who have brought laughter and some much needed energy into our dept.

So far, the quarter is threatening to eat me alive. I'm overloaded with work, class time, meetings, TA assignments and so on. I'm trying to QE in fall of next year, so I'm working on putting together game plan to streamline my MA/QE process. I'm moving in all the directions I need to, but it's going to be tough getting through this quarter. I see Luke much less than I want to, I run around much more than I want to, and I never seem to have enough time to actually sit down and work. Fortunately, I'm still getting my buns to the gym (or Tae Bo in my living room), so I feel like I have control over at least part of my life. Of course I'm out of clothes and the kitchen is a disaster area... but maybe with all the exercise I'll embrace my inner slug and go sans clothes next week :)

I need to add more pictures. I need to take more pictures. This will be my plan for my next few posts.

New Term

I've been 27 for a week - ack. Actually, it's not too bad. For the first time I'm getting freaked out with the, college took four years and four years from now I'll be 31 and may be starting a family, but otherwise I'm doing ok.

Luke and I went on an incredible 5.5 hour hike through Wilder Ranch and down to the beach. We saw a ton of wild life and managed to avoid the poison oak. I've never been on a hike that long and discovered some of the shortcomings of my shoes in that time. It was awesome and I'll post pics once Prabath posts his.

Classes officially start tomorrow, fortunately I don't have anything until Friday. The new history cohort seems to be a really nice, motivated, and outgoing group. I'm looking forward to spending more time with them.


I'm working on putting together a website for the Jewish History class I will TA this quarter. So far it looks good and I've impressed my prof, so what more could I ask for ?

I think this year will be a good year. A challenging year but a good one.

Grumblings

I turn 27 in about 2 hours and 30 min. For the first time, I'm feeling old. Not physically old, but like time is passing more quickly than I would like it to and the next thing I know I'm going to be 40, still in grad school and unemployed. Hmm, guess what's lurking in my anxiety closet?

Grad school is so much more lonely than I ever expected it to be. Up until now I haven't had many classes with other grad students. The upside is the ability to work closely with professors, the down side is that I feel my academic social life, not to mention my actual social life, is somewhat lacking. We all just seem so into our own work, and not necessarily happily so, that no one has the time/energy/desire to really reach out. When you do, you do so with the realization that grad school is temporary and that after our brief stint here, most of which is spent with our noses to the grindstone, we will be gone. It sets an odd sense of this time as very temporary, even if it is going to be 4 to 6 years in one location. Especially because of the lack of industry and high housing market, the likelihood that many of the people you meet here will actually settle here is slim to none.

I'm making good progress with my transcriptions, although they are much more slow-going than I expected. I'm on almost 9 or 10 hours and still not done with my 1 hour and 20 min interview. I certainly hope I will get quicker as I go along. I like the research work I am doing and I absolutely love the people. I'm nervous about this coming school year because it's going to be hard and a lot of work. The classes I'm taking are interesting and will be essential to rounding me out as a scholar, but they're going to be tough.

Honestly, I find myself crying a lot. I argue with my husband more often, and I can't seem to let go of even the smallest things. It's like I don't feel like I'm accepted here, so even little details on which he disagrees with me (doesn't accept me), I get super defensive about and try to bludgeon him with my point of view. In case you had any doubts, it doesn't do much good other than get us both really upset. I know I'm acting strangely, and I'm never personally offended by his disagreeing with me, but for some reason I feel the need to "convert" him to my side, even if for 30 seconds over something trivial like the proper use of Tu and Ud. in Spanish. I know I'm being overly sensitive, but it doesn't help me from stopping being so. I'm scared of how it's going to translate into a class. I already feel like I'm the weirdo, intense, hyper, cynical one... the last thing I need is for my brain to go screwy and to fight with one of the people I want to become friends with. On the good side, I held my tongue and prevented a fight when I disagreed with my sister this weekend. Argh. We'll see. Maybe I should just finish my Masters and teach at a private High School.

Anyway, 2 hours and 15 min. Sad, it's the first birthday I'm not excited about, but am actually sort of depressed.

Friday Night Services

Doing Jewish History, I'm running into a funny place. Although I grew up with a fairly good understanding of Jewish Culture from my family and I have a good working knowledge of Modern Jewish History, I am lacking pretty severely in an understanding of the actual religious practice. Spurred by both this whole in my knowledge and my own desire to know more about my Jewish roots, I decided to attend Friday night services.

I attended at Temple Beth El in Aptos, CA. I had heard nice things about their services (Reform), and one of their rabbis had performed High Holiday Services at UCSC last fall. I remembered bits and pieces from the last Shabbat I went to almost 20 years ago, which saved me with some of the Hebrew. Honestly, I was surprised by how much of the service was conducted in Hebrew and I plan on attending Fri night services led by Hillel here to see how they compare. Overall, I liked the message (English translation was provided), and loved the music. I like the Shabbat ritual and the text tended towards "Eternal One" and references to the promises of Moses and Miriam, rather than the "God, our Father, who is so big" heavy anthropomorphic language that I have heard in the Christian services I have attended most recently (my in-laws are Christian). I think it is a service and cycle that Luke would also like, but I frankly see the Hebrew as being a major turn-off and issue with approachability.

I liked the rabbi's "preview" of the Torah portion, in which he was exploring the issue of child labor today and what the Torah has to say about it. The way in which he applied a consideration of the past and what the Torah and Talmud have to say about a current social problem, and how to reconsider and apply that thinking, appeals very strongly to me. It is not the same as looking into the Bible for solutions to present problems, and then following blindly, but looking with a historical perspective to issues that have plagued human history for centuries and becoming involved in that debate/conversation as a means of debating as to how to alleviate suffering and injustice today. I am interested in attending a Sat morning minyan to hear the discussion of the weekly Torah portion. That will likely be my next goal.

I also made Challah for the first time from scratch without a bread maker, and it came out very well if I do say so myself

Back from NJ

Our two week trip to the East Coast went very well. We stayed with Luke's parents, Mark, and Erik on LBI (south of Beach Haven) for a week. The beach was beautiful and I got to see big jellyfish in the water for the first time. I wasn't so crazy about the squishy remnants of their carcasses, but no one got stung and it meant that the water was warm. We had two wonderful seafood dinners and I have a newfound affection for scallops.

One of the highlights was taking Mark out to his first NJ bar. $1 coronas and $1 Jager shots at the local beach bar. Ended the night with a chilly (chillier for some) swim and some star gazing on the beach. Crabbing was another first for me. We caught mainly small ones, but here's a pic of the bigger crab. Too small to get much meat off of, but fun to play around with. And of course, chasing after people with the crab in hand.

After NJ, I drove down to DC to do some research. I stayed with Rita, a college friend, and borrowed Jack's prius for the drive. On the way I stopped at Camp Ritchie, MD, one of the focal points, if not the actual focus of my research. The camp is beautifully laid out and seeing it in person gave me a better sense of the setting of the Ritchie Boy's training experiences.

I spent 2 days in the National Archives, and two days interviewing former Ritchie Boys. Bernie and the entire Lubran family were exceptionally warm and welcoming to me. His help in finding Ritchie Boys has been very important to my research and it was wonderful to feel so personally welcomed into his home. In my time I collected 4 interviews, over 400 pictures of documents from the NA, visited the Holocaust Museum, and made a contact at the Museum of American Jewish Military History. Of course now I have to transcribe and sort through all of the data I collected.

I hadn't been to DC in several years and I was greatly impressed by the city. Everyone was very warm and friendly, and the city had the older European feel, not unlike Boston. You had the quirky vibe of a big metropolitan center, but without the urban jungle feel that I get in Manhattan.

Returning to NJ, we attended Brendan's BA bash before heading home. Unfortunately, when we got home we discovered that Luke's roof had been cut, and his car had been broken into (just the face plate was stolen). It's funny, but it reminded me strongly of the "dorm" feeling of our home. Although I love living here and I love our apartment, it will be nice when we have things like a garage and do not have to park our cars in open, generally unguarded lots out of eyesight from our actual home.

A Disturbing end to a vacation...

My mom and Charlie came back from their vacation last night to find their house flooded. The water tank burst, pumping aprox. 600 gallons of water through the house. Three ceilings collapsed, there is mold growth everywhere, and just about anything on the floor has been ruined. In addition to the physical damage to the house, all of my mom's paintings and art supplies have been destroyed. Nothing is salvageable. They'll be staying with friends while they decide what course to take.

I wish I could do something to help. At this point they have to decide whether to stay at Superstition Mountain, stay in the house, stay in AZ at all... I can tell my mom is in shock and it will be a while until they make any sort of definite decision. Either way, it is a horrible thing to have happened.

Theater and more

My dad and Cindy gave Luke and I a generous anniversary gift. We used part of it to attend, and eat our way through, the Gilroy Garlic Festival. We used the rest of it tonight to see Shakespeare Santa Cruz' production of King Lear. The stage used was an outdoor auditorium with open, on the ground seating. We set up a picnic blanket, popped open a bottle of wine, and enjoyed the show. Overall the production was very good. Edmund and Edgar were particularly well played, and the lighting and set choices were stupendous. Although I liked the actor who played the fool, I on the whole did not like the directorial choices regarding the fool. In previous productions the fool in Lear is a dependent, a little crazy, and generally prophetic. The fool in this production was more of an equal to Lear, the relationship did not carry the same weight as in other productions I've seen. Nonetheless, it was a very enjoyable experience, and one we will have to repeat.

We are preparing to leave for NJ on Sat. We'll be at LBI until the 19th, and then I'll be in DC from 21-4. I will be staying with the lovely Rita Garcia, and am eternally grateful for her hospitality.

Grades, grades, grades

I started this saying something about wanting to document my TA experience and I figure that now is as good a time as any. I just finished TAing for my 3rd course here at the University. I enjoyed both the professor and the class content, and did not have to lead section. It was a very pleasant experience, I picked up some pedagogical tips, and learned enough about Northern Renaissance art to (hopefully) blow the socks off anyone I'm traveling with through Europe.

Even considering the wealth of information I picked up from Professor Madar, one of the most useful lessons I learned this quarter is the importance of the grade break down. The final grade for each student was broken down into assignments and expectations, each making up a certain percentage of the final mark. Although fairly standard for college level classes, what surprised me the most was the difference between what I eyeballed each grade to be versus the actual computation of all scores. Overall, I had overestimated where I thought the student's final grade was going to be - although in a few cases I had underestimated as well. My class average would have definitely have been inflated had I simply stuck to my estimates. As someone who is trying to figure out how they want to teach and structure their classes, this was a wonderful piece for me to learn.

Gilroy Garlic recipe

Luke and I went to the Gilroy Garlic festival this weekend and I want to share a very tasty recipe we picked up:

Olive Garlic Pesto
Ingredients:
-10-20 cloves of peeled garlic (depends on how garlicy you want it)
- 3/4 c Clamatto Olives, pitted
- 3/4 c Green Olives (garlic stuffed if you prefer)
- 3-4 c basil (one large bunch from the grocery store)
- 2 c. flat leaf (Italian) parsley (one large bunch)
- 1/2 c sundried tomatoes in oil (or reconstituted overnight in water if dried)
- 3 T capers
-olive oil
-balsamic vinegar
-1/4 c. chicken broth
-4-6 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized pieces
-1 package of romanita tomatoes, or 5-6 regular sized roma tomatoes, cut into 1/4 or 1/6 cubes
-linguini or spagattini
-fresh grated parmesan, romano or Locatelli cheese (for topping)

Put everything from garlic to capers into a food processor. Add a generous dash or two of balsamic and olive oil (2T- 1/4 c depending on your preference for your pesto). Blend until smooth.

Boil water, add pasta, cook according to instructions on package.

While pasta is cooking, add olive oil to pan and cook chicken on Med-high heat. The pan will be hot, you want the chicken to brown quickly. When the chicken is almost done, add the tomatoes and cook 3-4 min or until they begin to soften. Deglaze the pan with 1/4 c. chicken broth.

Drain pasta and add to pan with chicken. Add pesto. Mix.

Top with freshly grated cheese and garnish with basil.

Leftover pesto can be frozen and spread over crustinis as an appetizer. Or stuff a portobello mushroom cap, sprinkle with red pepper flakes, top with mozzarella, put in oven until cheese is bubbly and, voila! Dinner.

Updates

It's been a while, so I'm just filling in. A little over a week ago I had my first interview with Gerry Gert, a former Ritchie Boy living in Napa, CA. He and his lovely wife, Margaret, treated me to a wonderful lunch and sweets prior to my interview with Gerry. I'm recording my dialogues with Guitarband and an omnidirectional mic. The mic and program work well, although I can only record 30 min tracks and I'm having some problems exporting to itunes/mp3 format. I need to work out those bugs. I have another interview set up for this coming Sat and several more I need to schedule. I've received good feedback on my research proposal and things seem to be moving in the right direction.

I'm grading finals from the HAVC course I'm TAing. I have been working with Heather Madar for the past 5 weeks. She is an incredible lecturer and I am glad to have had the opportunity to work with someone a little bit outside of my discipline. The finals are strong (I wonder if I'm grading harshly enough), and overall the class has made definite improvement. TAing for Hart history has been a good experience overall, one I would not at all mind repeating.

The current quest in my life is for the perfect bathing suit. Ok, I'll settle for decent but cute at this point. Due to the way I'm shaped, but the time I find a bottom that fits my waist/hips without leaving unsightly bulges the bottom is so loose that I run the risk of being pantsless after even the gentlest waves. This year's styles all fit much lower on my body than I would like -heaven forbid I don't want to show surfer's crack every time I bend over.

No Black Thumb!

Here are some pics of as close as I have ever come to having a garden. My basil is growing like crazy and our tomato plant is huge. I took a close up of our two baby tomatoes.


I probably should have taken better photos but I'm feeling lazy. Regardless, I really wish we had a plot for a real garden. I want to grow my own produce now that I know I can w/o killing everything :)

John & Janet/ Trip to MN

We just got back from Luke's cousin's John's wedding. The couple live in Madison, WI, but the wedding was held in Northfield, MN, where most of Luke's (and John's) MN family live. We had a wonderful time staying with Luke's grandparents. The cermony was held in the Carleton chapel and the pig roast/reception in a nearby park. Having been to several weddings now, I'm really glad Luke and I decided to take the do-it-yourself approach rather than going with a specific format. Especially because neither of us are religious I liked having a very personal ceremony. The religious standard just doesn't hold a lot of meaning for me (not that it doesn't for other people, just not my thing).

Luke and Jack had the honor of carving the 200 lb roasted pig for the reception. I met a number of Johnson friends and family, and helped the bride by sewing a bustle into the back of her wedding gown (the seamstress forgot to add one).

Cannon Falls, where Luke's grandparents live, was beautiful. Although it ws warm and humid, it didn't ever seem to get too bad. We took a lot of walks and went on a 2 hour cannoe trip our last day there. going down the river was a blast and has made we want to try kayaking here.

First Anniversary

It's my first anniversary! It's hard to believe that a year ago today we were just starting our cocktail reception (It's 11am here, but we got married in NJ). I'm very happy in my marriage, the transition has been very easy and... comfortable is about the best word I can come up with. We lived together for almost 3 years before tying the knot, so we didn't have the first year adjustment issues. I am blessed to have a partner who is as easy going as Luke. His patience and sense of humor have helped me through some stressful weeks this year. We haven't been out swing dancing as much as I would have liked, but we've certainly explored our new home and had our fair share of adventures. Recently we've been enjoying reading on the beach, going for walks, searching for sea otters, and generally enjoying the warm summer sun.

Luke's out picking up bagels and coffee for this morning. We both greeted out wedding day with bagels and coffee (thanks, George :) ) so we thought it was a good way to start today as well. As a gift to the two of us I've booked a couple's massage at the local spa . Luke as never had a massage before, so it'll be a new experience for him. We have a male and a female masseuse, I'm frankly sort of curious to see who he will choose. I prefer a male masseuse b/c I like a much firmer touch in my massages then most women. After our afternoon at the spa we're going to wander around downtown, pick up Thai food and have it with champagne for dinner. We discovered this combination on our honeymoon- I think we ate it twice in our 12 days on Maui. Very spicy and sweet Thai cooking is complimented nicely by a dry champagne with enough acid to cut the fats in the cooking. Sort of like beer with curry, but more delicate. I've also made a chocolate cake with mocha frosting for dessert. We couldn't duplicate our wedding cake because I came from a bakery in NJ, but I was able to duplicate the kind of cake we had here at home.


The major changes in the past year have been our move to Santa Cruz and the start of our graduate programs. Living in Santa Cruz is wonderful and it has caused us to rethink the kind of life we want live. Although on the whole I still consider myself to be a city person, I love living in a smallish town (55K) that is near enough to a big city. Being able to hike right out my front door and watch animals from my balcony are two newfound pleasures. Luke and I have enjoyed many evenings trying new recipes, n or grilling. Don't get my wrong, I like to go out (mainly because I hate doing dishes and don't have a dishwasher), but here we've both deepened our love for cooking. I hope one day to live in a house that has a big beautiful kitchen, land, and a pool. Less traffic than an LA suburb would be nice too.

We'll see, we have time. We'll be here for at least another 3-4 years and then to wherever the fates may blow us. So far, so good.

Why bother to blog?

I have decided to keep a blog in part because I can't for the life of me seem to keep a journal. As a historian I am increasingly concerned about the sources (or lack there of) of personal accounts left by this generation. With the wealth of electronic sources, such as this blog, the use of hard copy paper and pencil means of chronicling one's life is dwindling. So then, you might ask, why am I keeping a blog. First, I can't seem to keep a journal. I've started several, but struggle to enter more than two or three entries before my attention wanders and the journal is abandoned. My intent with this blog is to print my entries on a yearly basis, thus creating a hard copy, journal-like printout. My hope is to have some sort of record, even if only for my family, of my life.

So, enough on the drives to preserve something for posterity, assuming that posterity will even be interested, and more about who I am. I live in Santa Cruz with my husband, Luke, where we are both graduate students at UCSC. I am in History (Modern Europe), and his is in electrical engineering (adaptive optics, control systems). We were married about a year ago (July 3, 2005), after living together for 3 years, dating for 4 and a half, having been friends for nearly 6 years. I'm a San Diego native, but have fallen in love with Santa Cruz. After battling the traffic and smog of LA, I relish living among the redwoods of costal California. When I'm not grading or trying to plow through work, I can be found in the dance studio, knitting, or just generally enjoying the outdoors.

I intend to use this blog as a space for both professional and personal reflection. You can expect an eclectic mix of postings regarding my latest knitting or quilting project, frustrations and inspirations from my TA experience, and a log of my research for my MA (and hopefully, PhD) thesis on the Ritchie Boys.