A pessimistic approach to history?

This is a mixed post. There is a lot going on here, but not things I’m ready to blog about in detail. I’ve submitted for some grants, L has interviews that are going well, and we will soon know what our options are. Let’s just said in some versions life will continue much as normal, and in others I’m looking at major changes that could result in much more frequently blogging and cooking experiments. A teaser, I know, but you’ll get the full story later.

For the moment I’ve been in a situation this quarter that has really made me interrogate what I do and why I do what I do. This is the basic question of why study history and even if I can’t articulate that, I can articulate one thing: I don’t study history to tell heroic stories, to find role models, to highlight the best parts of humanity in dark times. This is probably why my hackles raise whenever students (professors) want to talk about resistance in the Holocaust as a way to find meaning and bright lights in dark moments. I want to study the dark moments. I want to know, to understand the worst parts of humanity because at base I think that Hobbes is right: we are all nasty brutish creatures who are only humanized by the social structures we create (which is pretty scary when you see how many of our social structures – religion, governments, families – are designed to perpetuate inequality and oppression). In fact, it’s that basic pessimistic view of humanity that makes me so nervous – I don’t think we’re good people with a few bad apples; I think were bad apples. Or maybe, neutral apples. Getting away from apples, I agree with one of my colleagues comments that “human beings always take the path of least resistance” combined with the belief that humans (reinforced in our day and age by capitalism) will always work to promote their own self-interest over that of another (maybe biologically linked to our survival?). I take very serious issue with teaching history out of love for an object/place/person, that does not adequate weigh the light and the dark. Not passion, not drive, but love of a subject that blinds us to the whole picture. Maybe this is why I like the dark moments, you can’t fall in love with them. You are forced to see the horrible things humans do to on another, how they get accustomed to doing it, why the might enjoy doing it, and in the instances, where appropriate, of those who are willing to think outside of themselves and help other for the “better of humanity” (which, of course always depends on what “humanity” we’re talking about – but I guess here assuming a truly universal notion of universalism, humanism, and reason from the Enlightenment, with a heavy dose of ethical liberal socialism).

And can you consider yourself to be a historian if you can’t deal with the “bad”? Wouldn’t it be a little like being a doctor who is unwilling to examine a patient’s legs b/c the feet freak them out?

Ultimately this all underlies my approach to history, which is one in which I see history as an experiment that can’t be repeated, or a “case study” of how human beings responded to certain stimuli given certain social, economic, political, conditions. I know I’ve blogged about this before, and most of you don’t care, but I’m in a situation in which I can’t confront what I see to be a problematic approach to my field of study, and I need some sort of outlet for it.

Security Sweater

Back before I went to England I finished Wendy Bernard's Favorite Cardigan. It was the first time I made anything too small. To be more specific, the sleeves were too tight and the length was all wrong. Of course, I didn't notice and wore it happily to the archives until I saw this pic of me in the sweater:

Not horrible, but the fit was strange and the tight sleeves meant it kept falling off. Plus the length was all wrong. Fortunately I'm used to re-knitting stuff and I decided to re-do the sleeves and add some length. I finished this a few weeks ago and despite the home-knit look that I don't wear all that often (I like a clean, more luxe line I think), I love this sweater. The Malabrigo knits like butter and feels like a soft warm embrace. The more things get stressful around here, of the longer they continue to be stressful, I find myself cuddling up in this like a security blanket, so I thought I'd post a few pics of my newish sweater in my new office:

Notice the longer length now flows evenly over the hips rather than cutting off at the hip. Or not :)

Slightly funny side view.

And finally, because I am a real Southern California girl at heart and 75 degrees in the suna nd 70 in the shade means cold shoulders and warm legs, I'm rocking all of my sweaters these days with a mini skirt and sandals. Oh yeah, I am that So Cal girl who will wear a coat, scarf, gloves, and a mini skirt and bare legs. Cold enough and I haul out the boots... but generally I'm in warm weather and just a bit too chilly for a tank top.

(it's hard to get a leg shot from your laptop camera that doesn't like like its trying to be an upskirt.)

WOO HOO!

Thank FSM that May is shaping up to be better then April.

To re-cap. In April:

1) My dept got notice that summer TAs were going to be much harder (near impossible?) to attain based on a higher necessary enrollment number to qualify for a TA - basically cutting my (and most of my dept's) anticipated summer funding in half.

2) L got the bad news I blogged about 2 posts ago - with the real double whammy of, again, no summer money.

3) A colleague doing China work was really questioning her position in the program based on unavailability of funding and reception of either "reject" or "alternate" status for her fellowships.

4) Good friend faced a difficult birth decision after their little pumpkin decided to remain firmly breech.

And now in May:

1) I have at least a summer readership and possibly a GSR, meaning I can cobble together the money I need to pay the rent! and food! and beer!

2) L GOT AN INTERVIEW! For not just one, but both of the positions he applied for! They fly him out later this month. This means we may be migrating elsewhere soonish, but is very good news.

3) Said colleague not only got funding but got the FULLBRIGHT -HAYS!!! This is sort of like winning the grad student lottery - more money than any other Humanities grant and entrance into the exclusive club of Fullbright scholars.

4) Everything went well for the new parents and they are now settling into happy baby land with an adorable, long-legged, ball of fuzz.

So, the roller coaster continues but I thought I'd take the time to share good news for once.

Lamb Shanks

This is an outstanding lamb recipe from Lynn Alley's The Gourmet Slow Cooker Volume II. I cannot speak highly enough about how easy, healthy and really gourmet-labour-intensive tasting these recipes are. For the grad student-aged readers out there, these are the kind of foods you'd want to make and serve to family, friends, or professors to impress them with your mad cooking skills.

Basque Lamb Shanks

flour for dredging

1 tsp salt

4 small lamb shanks (I just bought lamp steak and cubed it like stew meat)

3 tsp olive oil (I used less most likely)

1 c. dried white beans

6 cloves garlic

1 c. chicken, beef stock or water

1 c. red wine

1 14 oz can diced tomatoes (I used a 28 oz can)

1/2 butternut squash peeled and cute into 1.5" cubes (I used 2 bags of cubed squash from Trader Joe's)

1/2 c. pitted olives (I forgot these)

2 sprigs thyme

ground pepper.

Dredge lamb in flour and brown in a large saute pan over medium high. Brown on all sides.

Transfer to slow cooker, dump in beans, garlic, water/ broth wine and tomatoes. Cook on low for 5 hours. toss in squash and cook on low for another 3 hours. (you can leave the squash in the whole time)

That's it.

I threw in the thyme and some rosemary at the beginning of cooking. I'd post pics but the never look like food you'd want to eat. Live everything looks beautiful but I'm too lazy to figure out how to photograph food well.