A study in development

Boy notices lion



Can't reach lion



Damn it, if only I had some fine motor control.



Maybe if I lunge ...









Ack, overshot the lunge!



Victory is mine!



Now if only I had the core strength to move.....

Moving

Yup, it's that time again. Time to bring the boxes back out and pack our live into cubes of cardboard. Our very lovely landlords are moving to Tucson to live in the house we've been renting from them.  I've spent the last couple of weeks looking for a place that met our space needs, was in a decent location, and was pretty/not drafty/not termite-riddled, etc, etc. After losing several houses b/c we didn't act fast enough, we found a lovely 4 bedroom (!), 1800 sq ft custom house with beautiful tile, a large back yard, irrigated garden beds, and a water reclamation system. It means we have plenty of room for us, Bucket, a guest room, and office. Plus a large enough back yard for BBQs, bocci, and ball. 2 citrus trees and the irrigated garden beds means I'll be able to grow stuff (hopefully, so far I'll I've managed to grow is dead sticks in pots). The kitchen is newly re-done and there are artistic touches through out.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to pack with an infant who doest' nap for that long, and doesn't entertain himself for more then 5-10 min at a stretch.

In other news, L got promoted! He's officially moved from Engineer II to Engineer III! We're still getting the details on what that actually means but it should mean that the slightly more expensive house we're going into won't break the bank.

I've moved forward on submitting my CV with completed PhD to Pima CC. Next week I'm going to follow up with the U of AZ. I've also started teaching a knitting class at my temple (we're knitting 100 kippot to send to a sister, sisterhood organization in Israel). I should totally call it "Kelly and the Bubbes". It's sort of adorable and everyone wanted to know when I was going to bring Bucket with me. I also start teaching a class in Jewish Women's history in April, so I need to get on top of my lectures for that.

All in all, lots going on. Keeping the baby alive. Getting some sleep (and drinking a lot of coffee).

Entering the oral phase

Can't get baby to sleep? Take him to a bar! 45 min into happy hour he passed right out.

Something tells me we r entering an everything in my mouth phase.

Thoughts on babies and gender

This post is probably not going where you think it is. It's not a boy-version of "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" or a moral panic about ascribing gender roles at an early age  - quite the opposite.

In the past several weeks I've become fascinated at the genderless quality of babies. Other than genitalia, which serves the same excretory purpose, I see few sex-defined traits. Bucket could easily be a boy or a girl and, other than what's hidden in his diaper, has no outward physical signs of behavioral indications of being one or the other. Hell, half the time his diaper is pink, purple, or leopard print. When I look at him I tend to think "baby" not "boy".

I like this genderless time. I want him to develop into the person his wants to be and not be shuttled into societally constructed gendered roles and categories.

I had more intelligent and thoughtful things on this that invoked Judy Butler and increased social commentary, but I was up with FussBucket at 12, 1, 3, 4, 5, 5:30, and 7:30, so I'm not running on a full tank right now.

The cat seems to have gotten her shit together, now kiddo has to figure out how to burp and fart. This actually isn't b/c he needs to fulfill some male coded behavior, but simply b/c we are sick and tired of hearing him scream b/c he has air bubbles trapped somewhere in his GI tract.

Getting some time back

Bucket is sleeping! In semi-regular intervals!

These days he sleeps through the night on occasion, but more frequently sleeps in 5-7 hour shifts. It means I generally get up once at night and that he sleeps until or 10 in the morning, giving me both quality sleep and some time to myself. He's also started going down for naps, even if there is no uniform length.

What does this mean for me? I get a little bit more time to myself. So what am I working on these days?

Starting in Feb. I'm going to be leading a knitting group at my temple. They have a sisterhood organization with a match in Israel and we are going to try to knit 100 kippot. Currently I'm working on knitting samples for the class. Hopefully we'll get a nice group going and can quickly move on from kippot to more fun knit a longs.


Starting in April I'm teaching a class (also at the temple) on Jewish Women's History. We are reading excerpts from the memoirs of 4 German Jewish women and using them as a way to discuss Jewish history, Women's history, and identity in 4 historical periods.

I've also mastered breastfeeding and reading - woo hoo! I've read a few long epics - Stevenson's Quicksilver from the Baroque Cycle (1/3 was boring, 2/3 were great, I quickly learned to skim over his attempts to recreate Restoration drama), Follett's Century Trilogy (love it, can't wait to read book 2) and now Follett's The Word Without End. In my post about "baby must haves" I missed one: an ereader. I read on nook and kindle apps between my iphone and my nook color. An ereader is easy to read on one-handed, you can synch between devices, and the small size and weight makes it perfect for propping up on a breastfeeding pillow. Not having to hold a physical book open, and being able to turn pages with a finger touch, makes reading fast and easy. This is my first big foray back into fiction since grad school and I'm loving every minute of it. I also think it's funny that every book I've read is historical fiction, generally set in England, and in periods I've studied. I guess old habits die hard. Next up: the final book in the World of Time series as soon as it's available as an ebook.

For now, I'm enjoying being able to be a mom full-time. I may never have this opportunity again and I want to make the most of it. But I do see a day when I can get little chunks of work done while Bucket is down for naps. It's a nice light at the end of the tunnel.

Finally, I'm also cooking again. I haven't had the chance to snap many pictures, but I'll start posting about food and recipes to give a break from baby-related posts. But to close, I will include two simply adorable pictures of Bucket, who has become decidedly less fussy as of late.

He slept though the night

Booya!

Making it all worthwhile

Being a parent is hard. Being a mom (or the one doing most of the feedings) is really hard. It means little sleep, quick meals eaten one-handed standing up, and a significant decrease in the amount of time you get to spend doing your own thing (cooking, knitting, running, climbing, etc).

But then you hit a point around week 7 or 8 and you start to get treated to mornings that come after several more hours of sleep in a row. And you know you're really doing it right when this is how your son wakes up after sleeping from 9:30pm - 9:30 am, only getting up at 4 and 8 for feedings:

Things are getting back to "normal" - we've had a couple of dinners that lasted 20-30 min (generally baby next to us in the pack n play and we alternate who holds the pacifier/shakes the mobile/pats his tummy), gone through a couple bottles of wine and are nearly done with L's baby beer. We even caught up on Dr. Who and watched the end of Fringe. Yesterday we took a day trip to Tombstone that included a 1.5 hour car trip, something unthinkable a few weeks ago.

Sleep glorious sleep

Bucket has hit the evil little gremlin stage of his short life. While he was doing great at sleeping for 3-4 weeks, for some reason on Sunday he's decided that he doesn't want to sleep for long periods anymore, but prefers the 2-hour window (meaning, eat for 50 min, sleep for 70 min, wake and repeat). He's also dealing with some crazy gas which also wakes him up (seriously, cat can't poop, kid can't fart... it's a mess all up in here), sometimes every 10 min. I was up 8 times last night between 11 and 6:30. Yeah, let me repeat how glad I am that I finished my dissertation before he was born...

And then, after a gloriously long nap from 8-10:30, I was greeted with this:


Totally an evolutionary development to prevent sleep deprived parents from leaving their infants for the coyotes. At least he smiles in the morning.
We're hoping this is a growth spurt; I'll ask the doctor tomorrow. I'm dreading tomorrow, when he gets his vaccines and the potential for fussiness/not sleeping is even higher. 
For now, we're off to a museum to look at paintings.

Parenthood is kind of all-consuming

The title sums it up. On the one hand, every second of my day feels full. Luke's back at work full time  so it's a lot of Kelly-baby time. Bucket is growing in leaps and bounds - he's over 10 lbs, he's focusing on things,  I even got some really look-at-mom-and-smile moments.

seriously, check out my neck folds

He's also started what I think people refer to as "cooing" but in his case sounds much more like a hooting owl. It's also nice that at 7.5 weeks his digestive system seems to have matured nicely and the digestion-related fussing has calmed down. We're now working on naps and sleeping. (Baby sleep is so weird by the way - he's a really good sleeper at night (generally sleeps 11-8 waking once at 4 or 8-7:30/8 waking twice at 11 and 4), but the naps and waking/grunting/is he just in and out of a sleep cycle or is he awake... is really confusing. and every now and then he completely freaks - like when he lost it in the car seat and fussed so hard he gave himself a bloody nose... but on the whole he's happy and bright eyed and I love him to pieces.

On the other hand, I feel like I have nothing "going on". I can read a few pages in a novel at a time. I'm slowly working on a cardigan and a larger sized wool diaper cover for Bucket (for CDing-interested folks: prefolds and wool pants/covers are AWESOME). But his nap cycles are still too irregular for me to get any real work done. If I'm lucky, I can straighten up the kitchen, do a load of laundry or two, and get a little bit of knitting in when L comes home and takes over for a while. We do get a 3.5-3.75 mile walk in most days. I need to start getting better about handing Bucket to L and going out for a run or to the gym, but we do get moving.

I miss work. I miss writing (did I just say that?). I feel guilty that I'm not doing something "productive" (damn you capitalist society!) even though I'm basically engaging in reproductive labor nearly 24 hours a day.

But I'm trying to let go of some of that and just focus on Bucket for a while - because already he's less interested in cuddling, we're heading towards a time where him falling asleep on me won't be good for his own sleep habits, and he's really, really adorable.

Happy new year!!

To the end of 2012 & the beginning of 2013.

Year in Review

This'll be short because the amount of time I have with 2 hands free is precious.

It's been a hell of a year, here's a quick review. In no particular order, this year I:

-Finished my dissertation and got my PhD.

-Presented at the Pacific Coast Conference on British Studies.

-Ran an 8 mi trail race, a 5 mi trail race, 2-5Ks, and a 10K... all while pregnant in my first trimester.

-I got pregnant. I actually got pregnant twice and had a miscarriage the morning of one those 5Ks (remember this? I had an early miscarriage right before the race).

-I had a baby, and now I have a baby, and now my little 5 lb 10 oz baby is bigger than the cat (finally!).

-Became a family.

-Went to Amsterdam and visited friends A and L in Berlin.

-Skied Mt. Lemmon in Tucson.

-Didn't get a job.

It's been a hell of a year and I'm looking forward to what 2013 will bring - including running those races not pregnant!

Happy Holidays!

34 years ago, Luke came home from the hospital in a stocking. This year we managed to stuff his son as deep into a stocking as his new budda belly would allow. I wanted to post a Chanukah picture, but he spit up all over the lovingly hand stitched dreidel onsie I made. Oh well,

To those who have celebrated:
Happy Chanukah
Good Kwanza
To a bright Diwali
Happy Festivus
Merry Xmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Lukemas

and a Happy New Year/Prospero Año!

A guide for parents to be and people buying stuff for parents to be

As a continuation of the last post, here are a few things we've found invaluable (take note parents-to-be, or anyone looking for gifts for parents to be):
1) A swing. We have, and love, the mamaroo:


I'm sure there are others that work well for other people, the type doesn't really matter. Here's the thing, swings are expensive. They are also the only thing letting me sleep at night. Bucket will sleep deeply for 1.5-2 hours at night in this as long as it's moving and we're blaring white noise. Much better than trying to put him down in a crib. New parents: you need a swing. This is as non-negotiable as a car seat. People buying shit for new parents: swings are expensive, buddy up with other people and help new parents buy one. The sleep they will get from a swing is MUCH more valuable than another cute pair of PJs.
2) Miracle Blankets, aka baby straight jacket. Bucket, like most babies, loves being swaddled. Unswaddled, he flails his arms, scratches his face, and generally freaks out. Swaddled, he's warm cozy, chills the fuck out and goes to sleep. Swaddler + swing + nursing pads = baby heaven. So I suck at using regular blankets for swaddling. L is amazing and has baby origami down. Me? Faced with a squirmy fussy baby at 4:30 am and a blanket = Kelly crying for about 15 min while pleading and bargaining with the blanket to just swaddle itself. 

On a whim, I bought a miracle blanket, sure that it was overkill. I was wrong. My biggest mistake was only buying one. While visiting, my sister found me at 3am crying because Bucket had peed of the changing table, onto the blanket on the bed 3 feet away and I was left staring at full on Fuss Bucket and a aden and anis swaddle blanket that he could break out of in 15 seconds flat. She ordered me 2 more from amazon then and there. (have I mentioned that I have the best sister in the world?). We've had night where he manages to pee on 2 of them, so having the 3rd in reserve is a sanity saver. 
At first I thought that $30 for a blanket was a total rip off. It's a bargain. Even the best baby Houdini can't get out of this one. No velcro to wear out. It's warm, so no need to worry about baby getting cold. Best, it's fast, easy, and works. Plus, it fit him at his birth weight (under 6 lbs) which makes it superior to the less expensive (though also useful now that he's bigger) swaddleme or Halo sleep sack.
3) For the ladies out there (and people buying stuff for the ladies in their lives): If you are nursing, you will need nursing bras. If you happen to get stuck with jubblies bigger than a DD cup, you won't be able to pick up anything at Target. If you Happen to have really troublesome cup sizes - large cups, small band/large cups - you're up a creek w/o a paddle when looking for stuff at most brick and mortar stores. Well, I"m in your creek and I'm throwing you a paddle:
 Cake Lingerie Hot Milk
They have a really, really extensive range of sizes, offer far superior construction to any US-based (china produced) nursing bra I've seen, and they're pretty. At 34 E-F, sometimes G, I can't really do the wireless bras. I mean, I can, but it's just a sling for a boosom that looks like it stepped out of a Rubens painting. At both stores I have found beautiful, comfortable, supportive, nursing-friendly underwire bras. If you need nursing bras, they are worth every penny (buy one good $60 bra instead of being unhappy with 2 crappy $25 ones from Target). If you are buying for a nursing mom, she will love you forever if you get her anything from these two sites. 
4) Nursing care package: Going to a baby shower and don't know what to get the mom to be? Get something for her: Lanolin (I prefer Medela, but people love Lansinoh), heating pads (these allow me to nurse when my Raynauds flares up, also great for engorgement and tenderness),

 and  Bamboobies bamboo nursing pads:

Softer than the disposable ones, they are the only thing I can wear when dealing with tenderness and Raynauds issues. Plus they look like pasties, which is pretty awesome. I love these things.

A few unexpected parts of new parenthood

Bucket is 4 weeks old tomorrow. At this point in game I've discovered a few things about new parenthood that despite copious research and endless conversations with new parents, I never fully realized. Oh sure, we knew we'd be sleep deprived, that new babies smell wonderful, that newborn poop is explosive, etc, etc, but here's a few that have thrown us for a loop.

1) I love coffee more now than I have at any time in my life. You know when they say, you fall in love with your partner all over again, and more deeply than ever, when you see them with your child? Ok, yeah, that happened... but that happens every single morning with me and the coffee pot. After feeding every 1.5-2 hours from 1am to 8am and finally getting 2 hours of interrupted sleep b/c my most wonderful husband in the world is holding Bucket, there is no joy on earth like that first cup of coffee. I thought grad school made me love coffee, and you may think "but I"m a coffee connoisseur, I have 5 ways of roasting and hand pressing my own specially harvested-shade-grown-volcanic-soli-cultivated coffee, I REALLY love coffee." And, sorry, you're wrong. Or, you will discover and even deeper love for pre-ground, made in the drip machine that has a timer on it coffee, than you have every had before.

2) Breastfeeding kinda sucks. ha ha. no seriously. It's great for Bucket. It's great for my figure (so was all the exercise and good eating while pregnant, to be honest), and it's super cute cuddling bonding time. Plus formula is pretty stinky and runs into money... but breastfeeding is hard fucking work - esp if you are also pumping to build a stash so your partner can give bottles and you can give your breasts a break. It's.. uncomfortable. It's time consuming. You leak everywhere (bet bamboozle bamboo pads, expensive but worth every single penny). It's energy sapping. And when they say newborns feed every 1.5-2 hours, that from the START of the feed... which in our case is 25-30 per breast. Plus a 10 min break for burps in between, a change in between, and the changing after... generally putting "feeding time to about 45 min if I'm lucky up to 80-90 min - which leaves 45-30 for "sleeping when the baby sleeps". Yeah, so just be ready for that.

3) Shift work sucks. The hardest thing for L and I is that Bucket will not fall asleep unless held. He's beginning to fall asleep in the swing and we are hoping this is the beginning of a new dawn, b/c if someone's holding the baby that someone is always awake. We knew that sex would be off the table - between the lack of sleep, the minimum time between feedings, the leaking, and my episotomy (ouch) - we were prepared for that. What we weren't prepared for is missing the intimate time we get from just sleeping in the same bed. Doesn't work. We've tried co-sleeping in a bassinet but he wont' sleep for more than 15 min ad then goes into 5 min fuss/talk/1 min sleep patterns. Sleeping next to me is better, meaning 3 min fuss/talk and 2 min sleep... but not really doable (plus, see feeding schedule above -  I can't nurse comfortably in bed b/c he spends the entire hour talking to my breast, and the sheer size of them requires some infrastructure I can't get in bed).

We did get one glorious 4 hour morning when my sister was here and gave us a respite - but we miss each other. Now that he's beginning to sleep in the mamaroo with white noise, we're going to try that for bedtime going with the idea that whatever gets him and me sleep is worth it, we'll deal with adjusting him to a bed later. Plus, at this point I desperately miss my husband and sleeping partner of 12 years. This is definitely the longest time we've slept apart since my time in London or our year long distance. Hopefully we'll all be able to sleep in the bedroom, but if not, I'll be in the nursery with Bucket in the swing and L will sleep in our bedroom so that he can be awake enough to spell me in the mornings.

3a) every new family needs 3 miracle blankets. Swaddling is the bomb.

4) Bucket is adorable. I love him dearly, even when I'm frustrated, and despite the complaints, I'm genuinely soaking up the baby snuggles, poop cannons (he likes pooping en plein aire), and cuddling time. Plus I think the baby-related happy hormones are dulling the pain of the job market news :)

2012-13 Job Market

For those paying attention:

Second verse same as the first.

Yup, it's that time again, when the lucky academic debutantes start hearing back regarding interviews for the jobs we all applied for in the fall. And, just like last year, it's looking like no one is asking me to dance this year either.

I applied to 4 positions, one big public research U, a large private U, a small liberal arts college, and a smaller state college. The research and private U's have sent out requests for additional materials for those on their short list, the small state college in L's home state has contacted applicants they want to interview. The SLAC is a top rated, highly competitive institution that doesn't appear to have contacted anyone yet. I suppose there's a minor chance they might ring me up, but I'm not holding my breath.

So what does this mean? 1) I'm glad I didn't spend the last weeks of my pregnancy putting together more teaching portfolios that no one is ever going to look at (seriously, it's like making your own prom dress and then never taking it off the hanger). 2) I'm also glad that we didn't book travel to the convention where the interviews I didn't receive will take place.

In the larger picture, I'm not sure and don't want to make any hard and fast decisions right now, but an academic career is not looking good for me. Whether it's my application or my field, something isn't clicking. I did a lot of work on my application this year, and got feedback from my multiple people at my home U, a colleague at smallish state college, and some faculty at SLACs. My diss was submitted, I had lots of grants and grant money, and a publication on my CV. The only thing I'm missing is a bigger name publication and more FT teaching experience (despite the enormous amount of teaching we do in our TAships at UC Ewok Village, they dont' seem to count for much on the market).

I guess my plan over the next few months is to 1) get my article finished, polished, submitted and hopefully published. 2) start looking for FT work in the late summer/ early fall. 3) Consider going back on the market in fall 2013, but unless I have academic-related employment at that time, that will be my absolute last round. I'm tired of trying and my shelf life as a PhD will be nearing it's expiration date at that time.

I'm bummed, but not devastated like I was last year. In part b/c I'm completely distracted by Bucket. In part b/c I've been away from a Uni and teaching for so long that I have perspective on what an academic life is like and I'm not sure I want it. As L keeps saying, it'd be one thing if pursuing this job would really bring you happiness or make tons of money, but from what we see, that's rarely the case. So in between feedings I'm going to start looking around the Old Pueblo for related-work and headhunters/employment agencies that I can work with to get my resume non-academic friendly.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying watching Bucket sleep in a pair of wool pants I knit for him. They are great covers for cloth diapers and keep him very warm. This picture also shows that I had no idea the size of newborns when I knit these pants. Enjoy:

And baby makes 3

Lots has happened in the past few weeks, but it's only now that I've had the time and distance to be able to write about it. In terms of time, this is one of the first few times I've had both hands free at the same time so that I could actually write a proper post. In terms of distance, let's just say that though our son is here and healthy, things did not go as planned.

I'll be brief and spare you the gory details (though if you want them, I'd be happy to chat/email).

Friday Nov. 16 : We had a growth ultrasound scheduled because my fundal measurement (size of uterus) had decreased from 37 weeks growth to 35 weeks growth for the past 2 weeks. Baby felt small and the midwives were concerned. During the ultrasound we find out that the baby was only measuring about 35 weeks in terms of growth (I was 39 weeks pregnant), estimated 5.5 lbs, and my amniotic fluid was dangerously low. When I asked what that meant, the tech said, "well, today's a great day for a birthday."

last pregnancy picture

We knew this was a possibility so we had the car packed and ready to go. For the health of the babe and myself, they decided to induce me on Friday night. Unfortunately, Nibbler was still in in his crappy position. The best way to get babies in that position to move into a more favorable one for birth meant that I needed to be able to walk around, change positions, etc in order to get him to shift. In non-birth terms: this meant an epidural would be unfavorable because it would inhibit my ability to move, and increase the potential he'd get stuck resulting in a c-section. I prepared to be chemically induced (where they give you oxytocin in order to chemically force your body into labor and contractions), w/o pain meds.

Phase 1/ Labor 1 - we start pitocin at 9pm. I labor un medicated until about 4:30 am (I made it to level 18 for those in the know). It's hard and painful, but L is there and is an incredible support. It's hard, but I'm confident I can do it, even if the contractions hit like a ton of bricks.

Complication 1: my blood pressure is really high. Dangerously high. It hasn't been high at all during my pregnancy but labor puts it through the roof and they can't lower it.

An option for lowering blood pressure in an otherwise healthy person like myself is to go with an epidural (it causes the vessels to dilate). Between the intensity of the contractions, the blood pressure, and the exhaustion, I go for the drugs.

Nov 17
Phase 2/ Labor 2 - we have to stop the oxytocin in order to put in the epi. I'm dilated to 5 cm - ok, but not great. After the drugs are in we start labor all over again. The epidural helps take the edge off, the blood pressure is lower, but continues to be worrisomely high (for us and the med staff).

Complication 2: We need to increase the oxytocin to force my body to dilate. Every time we get over a certain point, the intensity of the contractions puts the baby's heart into distress. We can't get the drugs high enough to get me open enough w/o possibly harming the baby.

Complication 3: I'm now running a fever between 99-102, so I'm drugged, contracting, and feverish.

Complication 4: I'm stuck at 5 cm.

Complication 5: He's still in a really crappy position, basically facing the inside of my right thigh. to try to get him to flip, L, me and the nurse are rotating me from my right side, to my hands and knees, to my left side, every 15 min or so for about 3 hours. Remember, I'm more or less numb from the waist down, but by sheer determination I manage to haul my body around to try to make things easier for babe and me.

By 2 pm, I've only dilated to 6 cm, my blood pressure continues to be a problem, the position continues to be a problem, and we're exhausted. The midwife is concerned and calls in the OB (a perinatologist) to consult. We're told that due to failure to progress and all of the other stresses, there is a 10% of a vaginal delivery. But, to quote the OB, "I can cut into you right now if you want- but I don't want to cut into you. You don't want me to cut into you. You'll heal better if I don't cut into you. So let's wait 1.5 hours, keep the oxytocin on really low and see what happens."

At this point, we spent the next hour or so preparing ourselves for a c-section. We'd been in a state of emergency for nearly 24 hours and were exhausted and scared. But, when the midwife came back to check on me, I measured 7 cm. Apparently Nibbler could handle the contractions if we kept them slow, low and steady. So we kept watching and waiting.

By 6:30, everyone was surprised that I was ready to push. We pushed for 2 hours and he finally shifted!
Into an even worse position. (seriously kid...). Unable to get him out unassisted, we had the choice of a c-section or a vacuum delivery. I went with the second option and he was born at 8:30 pm.

Our little cone head... (he comes from France)

First family photo.

He was 5 lbs 10 oz. Definitely on the small side, and with a lot of head trauma. He also scratched the hell out of his face and was born with a nasty rash (we're just finishing the antibiotics today). Wasn't going to win any beauty contests, but beautiful to us. He also looked just like a mini-L, which was adorable on a whole variety of levels.

Recovery has been good. The first day was awful, but every day gets better (and they had me on a steady stream of vicodin and ibuprofen). Feeding was a problem because he has some of the issues of a preemie, but is now going well (more on that another time.

24 hours later and my hair even looks cute!
I also noticed that I wore my Scripps sweatshirt through labor and am rocking a Pomona skirt in this photo. 

We went home after 48 hours and are adjusting like most new parents. Trying to figure out sleep, eating, and tending to the needs of our newest family member. He's a pretty calm baby, but like all newborns, has his fussy times. We started calling him "fuss bucket", which has now been shortened to just "Bucket" (as I will refer to him from this point onwards on this blog).

I'm so happy to not be pregnant. I feel so much better and happier now that all the pregnancy estrogen is draining out of my system. I don't do well with high levels of estrogen (big BCPs or being pregnant) and I'm so happy to be feeling like myself again. Plus, I can drink again - yay beer and wine!

Oona and Bucket's first meeting. She promptly ran away. She's also still substantially outweighs him.

Best Thanksgiving present ever.

 Bucket had his bris 8 days after birth which gave a good opportunity for some nice pics:

With friends and their normal sized 3 month old.

I want to close with a shout out to the most amazing partner a person could ever wish for. L has been involved and supportive every step of the way. I could not have made it though this w/o his unending support and confidence in me, even when I had no confidence in myself. Bucket's birth has really underscored how well we work together as a team and I'm amazingly lucky to have such a dedicated partner.

My favorite picture of all time.

Face Down Ass Up That's the Way I Like To...

Make my baby turn?

37.5 weeks today. All is well regarding weight, blood pressure, baby size... but little Nibbler is Left Occiput Posterior. What does that mean? This:

LifeART (and/or) MediClip image copyright 2008

Wolters Kluwer Health, Inc.- Lippincott Williams & Wilkins. All rights reserved.

It's why my sacrum hurts primarily on the left - his skull is grinding against it. It's why he can get a foot over the top of my right ribs. It's why I can feel his little claws raking at my insides below my belly button.

Posterior babies are not the end of the world. Many turn on their own during birth, and many can be turned. But there are some complications. The position of the skull in the pelvis can prevent the kiddo from descending to start labor and from descending into the birth canal. In all likelihood, this is why yours truly was a c-section: after 23 hours of labor I was just stuck in my mom's pelvis. Labor with posterior babies tends to be longer, harder, and especially difficult on the back as the little one's skull and spine grind their way down mom's pelvis. This means longer and harder for mom as well as for the coach (L). Posterior position is also associated with a higher risk of 3rd and 4th degree tears, the need for forceps or vacuum extraction, and a much higher incidence of c-section. Basically the pain and length of labor prompts most moms to ask for epidural pain relief, often rending you numb and with limited to no lower body movement. However, being able to move around, change positions, stand and walk around, are essential to wiggling posterior babies into better positions. Once you get the epi the pain is gone, but you don't have the freedom of movement necessary to make the baby move... which leads to a vicious cycle and not infrequently ends up in the OR.

Per my midwife, it's not too late to get him to turn into a better position, but it's going to require work. Specifically, being on my hands and knees 4-6 times a day  for at least 10-15 minutes. Doing pelvic inversions, and leaning forward when I'm sitting (no sitting on the couch until I deliver). Nibbler is not engaged in the pelvis, so all we need to do is get him to rotate 90 degrees, and then get him to lock into the right position for birth. (whenever I think of engaging all I can think of is Patrick Stewart....). So I'm on a strict hands-and-knees regimen for the next two weeks. I've never before wished I had tile floors and grout to scrub.

On the other hand, where 24 hours ago I was puttering around muttering about how impatient I am to get this damn kid out of me... all of a sudden I want every minute of the next two weeks so that I can get the little bugger into a better position. At least I have something to do other than wait.

I can still birth at the birth center, but I'm preparing for a more intense and painful birth than originally anticipated. L and I are also preparing for a longer and more physically exhausting birth, meaning that we need to make sure he gets the food and rest he'll need so that he can continue to support me. It's like finding out that the marathon you've been preparing for may actually be a 36 mile race instead. Not unmanageable, but you need to adjust your expectations. I'm going to do my damnedest to make this little one spin into position, but incase he stays stuck and stubborn (like me!), I'm preparing for and LOP birth. I'm also so glad that I'm going to be able to labor and birth at the birth center supported by nurses and midwives who have ample experience helping women through labor like this one. They say the do OP births all the time and are not concerned. Their confidence and expertise is definitely a calming force in my current emotional storm.

Yes We Can.

Yes We Can.
Yes We Did.
Now Let's Get To Work.

Congratulations, Mr. President. It was a relief to be able to go to bed last night at a reasonable hour.

Sincerely,
KellysIrishRed

Happy Halloween Everyone!

We had a successful Halloween and our first small party since moving to the Old Pueblo. I'm clearly getting back to my old self post-thesis because I've finally been bit by the entertaining bug AND have a enough motivation to do something about it. Food was grilled, beer was drunk, candy was passed out, we talked through out "how do you know so-and-so in astronomy?" and good times were had. 

Even Oona got in on the action:

The chihuahua sized costume didn't fit, even if it is awesome in its own special way. 

So I picked up a medium.

Oona loves Halloween.

Phinishing

On Oct. 19 I submitted a complete and final version of my dissertation to my Univ. Of course, since then I've been notified that I made a mistake on the title page and need to resubmit that... but the point is that I have finished my PhD and will have my degree conferred in December. I'm finally done with grad school. I can stop calling myself a grad student (and start calling myself an unemployed PhD!). It's a huge relief and I'm proud of the work.

At final count, I clocked in at 225 pages of text, 262 total pages, 4 chapters (plus intro and conclusion) and 96 figures.

I have to say, I have never missed my home Uni so much as I do now. It's hard to celebrate when the people who went through it with you are so far away (and when you can't drink. damnit). I also want to make a quick shout out to the Goat, Frankie B's biggest fan, my nun-loving-former-office-mate, my former-student-now-in-the-UK, and a whole host of others who helped read drafts and listen to me whine over the years. This wouldn't have been possible without you - and please send me your work so I can return the favors. For any slugs reading, we'll have to do a modified celebration in the spring when I come for graduation w/ the fam in tow.

In addition to the PhD-finishing, I finished my job applications. Now I'm in the waiting period before interviews are announced sometime in late November. I've had a couple of google pings via Academia.edu, which means people are googling me. But for the most part, I'm much less obsessed with this job cycle than the last. Of course, now I need to put together teaching portfolios, but I'll start working on that at the end of the week. I need to at least draft syllabi for the classes I've have claimed I'm ready to teach (History of Print and the Book, Crime and Punishment, etc).

I've also been finishing up a lot of craft projects. I'm about 95% done on the nursery. In order to keep the baby talk to a minimum, I'll have one big baby-craft wrap up post in the near future. But most recently I put the finishing touches on a quilt.

Oona approves this quilt sandwich.

The finished version.

I'll take better pics for the upcoming post, but here is is for now. It's Elisabeth Fransson's New Wave - a deceptively easy quilt to make. I used large stipling for the actual quilting. Though I love sewing, I'm definitely a better knitter than I am a quilter. The binding is wonky (too big and a bit wavy), and I'm still getting the hang of free motion quilting (probably b/c I do it so infrequently. But I'm really proud of the clean and modern look of this quilt and the way it highlights the fabric.

For those keeping track, I have 24 days until my due date. I'm a PhD, I'm on the job market, and I'm almost done with this pregnancy - this having-a-baby-shit is getting real.