Been a While

I had a very cheery post about knitting during the superbowl and wine tasting with mr. and mrs. kungfuramone that unfortunately got derailed by 1) my battery dying before I plugged in and 2) finding out that an old high school friend passed away on Sunday night due to a brain aneurysm. He was the slightly chubby, well-dressed, cracking wise, ladies man. Smooth in his goofiness and with an Irish twinkle that let him get away with anything (especially in class). Although I have fond memories of the 8 years I knew him, he is forever ingrained as the guy who asked me if I was "a moaner or a groaner", a question to which I had no qualifications to answer. It was actually much less offensive than I can seem to convey in writing, and the scene in particular-on the bus- is ingrained as one of those "typical" high school experiences. When I actually figured out which one I was (and no, I'm not telling), I later reflected back on that afternoon bus ride. Funny, the things you remember.

Although my friend's divorce announcement did not cause me to reflect on my own relationship, this "first" did. Pat left behind a wife of 3 years(also from the same high school), and a restaurant, although no children. There were no symptoms, his wife just found him in the morning. I think less about what would happen if I died and more about losing Luke. Would I stay in Santa Cruz? Move home? Which home? West Coast? East Coast? Stay in the program? Deal with my loss by throwing myself into nothing but history, or break down and never return? Losing your partner is something that I think crosses every one's mind from time to time as a "what if..."- but this death of an old friend who was my own age feels different.

Not exactly a happy post, but they can't all be.