What do you do when you get a grant/job application rejection?

-Cried
-Raged in frustration
-Went out for gelatto
-went for a walk
-Got a call from mom and ranted some more
-Stopped leaking tears of frustration long enough to start re-writing my proposal for grants due next week
-ate some chocolate
-made of list of fields I'd like to work in if the whole academic thing doesn't work out
-cried some more, mainly in mourning that I may never get a chance to teach the syllabi I've designed and that my summer school class may well be the last time I'm in a classroom - which is profoundly depressing b/c teaching is something I truly excel at and love dearly
-ate more chocolate
-went back to working on my grant
-went for another walk
-had dinner
-knitted for a bit
-ate a brownie
-ate another brownie
-had a beer


I feel a lot better today - but god damn if I'm not tired of going through this every single year (you think I'd be used to it by now). I guess it's just toughening me up for the job market, but really I see it as the early measures of the funeral march of my academic career. And I know some of you will be well meaning and tell me: "don't worry, it'll work out!" "at least you're doing what you love!" (which is nice and all but also means I have no income), "I'm sure something will come along!" (statistically, only 32% of those who earned PhDs in history between 1990-2004 held jobs in a history department - and those were the *good* years before this shitty job market - It's not that I"m down on myself, I'm honest about the math)  "you can teach in many different ways!" "you can teach high school!" The truth is, I cant'. There aren't jobs and there isn't enough money to go around (this is the real problem, not enough jobs or money for all of the qualified applicants). And yes I have many marketable skills and I'll look back on this in 10 years and it won't seem so bad, but this feels a little like my sister going to med school, going through her entire residency, and then never being able to practice as a physician.

Today L and I run a 12K trail race. I'm really looking forward to it,  though L keeps complaining that it's "too long" - which of course means that he's going to want to run it faster. I should handicap him - make him wear a weighted back pack or something).  The course has 550 ft elevation over about a mile. All of the guys in my local running shop kept warning me about this course being an ass-kicker, and how the elevation gain was brutal. Concerned, we took a trial run on the course last week. Their "brutal" is less steep than walking from Humanities to Soc Sci on campus. Upper Campus runs, much less running from the base of campus to the top, are more difficult. And in my opinion, the greatest thing about uphill is that you get down hill on the other side. Plus the changes in pace make a huge difference in my side cramps. For me, the worst is either a ll down hill or a straight flat course where my body bounces in the same way for a long time. Up and down? I get spurts of hard output and then recovery. It's supposed to be up to 95 today, so that'll make things fun.