Super grumpy whiny post

I know I've been absent and I'm sorry - I just don't have much to write about. Or rather, I have a ton to write about but nothing I really want to bore my readers with. The short version of the story is that I'm frustrated and getting scared. I'm frustrated that I'm not making more progress on my diss. I'm frustrated that I care too much to blow off my students and put myself and my work first. I'm frustrated with how much time my TA is taking (again), and recognize that part of the problem is the class and part of the problem is myself failing to draw clearer boundaries.

I booked my flights to the UK (Sept 26-Dec 5) and submitted a housing application. I'm scared of this upcoming trip (being alone (at least they speak English), being unaffiliated with any specific University or professor - I'm working on joining a research cluster or two but it's been difficult to get much traction b/c I'm not affiliated with anyone in the UK). I'm scared of trying to do everything right and never finishing (starting?) my diss. And I'm really scared of trying to do everything right, finishing my diss, and not being able to stay in history b/c of the job market. I know I shouldn't worry as much about this last one as I do, b/c I have no control with the exception of "trying to do everything right", and it'll hardly be the end of the world if I can't stay in academia b/c of a PhD glut, hell I might even be happier and better off. I just wish I knew now what the likely outcome of this grad experience will be. It's been good and wonderful, and stressful and trying, and I guess in the end I want to be sure it's worth it.

As any of the other Hippie U/Ewok Village readers know, things on campus have been a roller coaster of budget cuts, program closures, pink slips, and threats to health care. My mom had abdominal surgery recently, and my own battle with aging is turing from a cold war into a warm one. More (so much more) grey hair combined with the lack of desire to keep up with the henna, new flourishing wrinkles, and freckles I need to get checked by my doctor. I know I'm getting older b/c I've turned the corner from "cheapest face cream at the drug store" to "of course I'll pay more for spf 30, anti-fatigue, aging combatant all organic grape seed oil..." So with all of those cheery thoughts running circles between my ears it's stunted my blogging. I will try to post more frequently and take more pictures, but if the silence continues through the end of the quarter it's b/c you probably don't want to hear from me.

To leave this blog on a happy note, a few good things that have happened recently:
1- we love our new house and are so happy to be off campus. I finally look forward to coming home to a comfortable space, and no more drafty windows!
2- I finished Yogini Bolero and love it, and I'm getting good wear out of my green sweater. Once I convince L to do some fashion photography I'll post pics.
3- I think I'm in love (or at least some serious geek lust):