State of the IrishRed

Well, I made it through another year. I'm 29 (turned on the 13th, but I was at the shore w/ no internet) and very happy about it.
I'm glad to be in my late 20s and looking forward to my 30s. I'm calmer about things now, a lot of the little shit that used to get to me just doesn't anymore. I'm more comfortable in my skin, and I'm enjoying the first signs of "get-off-my-law" syndrome. I'm going grey, but I have been since I was 15, so that's not a shock. I've got a couple of more wrinkles around my eyes, but I think they make my smile brighter and make me look like my mother (who is absolutely beautiful and I've aspired to looking like for years). There's a real beauty that emerges in women in their thirties and forties when they really come into their own - I'm actually looking forward to it.

Academically I'm still in fingers-in-ears-singing/aversion mode, but I'm feeling really good about this year. I'm glad I basically took the summer off from thinking about my dissertation work because now I'm excited about getting back into it. I've learned that I need breaks. I took a year off between high school and college, and 3 years off between college and grad school. As much pressure as I feel to push myself straight through I do better work, gain perspective, and am a friendlier person when I really step back from my work. (Note to those about to QE: take the following quarter "off". Teach a class, take a break, get a tan, plant a garden, but give yourself the mental break from your specific project. It'll give you more energy, excitement, and perspective when you come back. Not to mention that it makes you sane again, to the pleasure of your friends and family.) I'm heading into grant mode this fall but I feel ready for it.

Personally the big thing I've been struggling with is my tendency to dominate conversations. Our social group is made up of extroverts and introverts and I find that the extroverts love to talk and talk loudly to each other, often at the exclusion of introverts. I've become quite close to 2 other introverts this year and I'm beginning to realize that even though I may have a great time getting really excited and talking really fast to one of my other extrovert buddies, if we're at a dinner table with other people its really boring for them. When I get going, it's like being drunk. I get very excited and totally wrapped up in the conversation, and completely lose myself. I'm learning that I can still do that, but not when I'm in a physical setting that everyone else becomes and audience. At larger parties w/ plenty of space, this is easier: I get to flit about and talk to a wide variety of people. The chattier of us have our play time, and then we finish and find others to talk to. In smaller settings (6+ sitting around a table, or in a ring of chairs), it's much harder. b/c the extroverts yell at each other very fast and excitedly, and everyone else just gets drowned out. So I'm trying to figure out how to hold back and engage others in conversation. I'm not really good at it, but I'm trying.

In our travels over the last few weeks we got a lot of "baby-time". My dad and his wife are fostering an 11-month old baby girl and while in SD I had my first real, concentrated, 48+ hours with a little girl. None of the people here I see regularly have children, and when I see those who do have kids it's in a professional or work place environment and the little ones are absent. Very few of my friends from college are married, much less with children, and L and I are the eldest in both of our families. Some of his high school friends are reproducing, but they live on the other side of the country. So anyway, I had the opportunity to spend 2-3 days with a very sweet little girl. I enjoyed the time I spent with her, but I've discovered that the more time I spend with kids, and the more the reality of the responsibilities of having kids sets in, the more I am confirmed in my stance that I/we are not ready to start a family. In addition to the purely personal reasons of having a diss to research, write, finish, and then get a job - and the purely logistical reasons of having pretty crappy grad health care, no clothes/dish washer (hey, i know it's selfish but it's a minimum for me with a family, doing my own laundry is enough of a pain in the ass), living on 2 grad student incomes, and facing at least one and probably several moves in the somewhat near future - there's the selfish relationship issue too: I'm happy being a partner, I'm not ready to be a mom. We've spent almost 8 years together as adults in a relationship, and work very well together as individuals who have fostered a respectful and loving partnership. I'm not ready to give up the freedom that comes with that to begin a family and an entirely new phase of my life. I'm not scared of it as I used to be, but i also know I'm not yet ready for it. There's some comfort in honesty of that realization, (and it gives me more ammo against the parental pressure).

Physically, I'm still doing better than I every have been. i exercise more, eat better, and I think I might actually be drinking less and more healthily too. I'm doing better in ballet than I have ever been, I can run faster and longer, and I now actually like zucchini. We've got my shoulder figured out and my knees haven't given me much problem in the past few years. I'm still blind as a bat, but that's not going to change any. I've also realized that both of my parents are dealing with hearing loss, so I know now to have my ears checked consistently as I get into my 50s.

In the last year I:
-Prepared for, and took, my qualifying exam
-Ran in my second race and hit my time
-Knit my first unsuccessful sweater, my first successful sweater, and my first experience with knitting plush
-Traveled to France and Montana
-Lost 10 lbs (ok, since I'm back from vacation it's more like 8, but close enough!)
-expanded my dorkdom by learning to play, and actually enjoying, Magic

In the next year I want to:
-Improve my running time
-Win some grant moolah
-Do my research trip in the UK
-Learn to listen more and better (a on-going struggle for an extrovert like me)
-Continue to realize what gets my hackles up and how to self-soothe when it happens
-Pay more attention to my functioning in large groups (try not to dominate conversations, engage more quiet people, look for ways to keep conversations going with everyone)
-knit as much as my wrists will let me
-be in the Spring dance show

And now, if you've lasted this long, some pics from our travels:

Ms. Heidi - Heidi - Ho, (who looks a bit like Beth from the Oblongs), and Bob, one of my new FO



San Diego with L and SandyChile. Wild Animal Park.

Wine tasting at Orfila

Garden, Jersey style (my in-laws mini-farm):


K&L at the Shore