dun, dun, dun, dun, another one bites the dust

It's been quite around here. What can I say, I've been interviewing and didn't want to spill the beans. I was highly recommended for an alt-ac job at an out-of-state Uni. It was 50%, a good position, interesting work, lots of growth opportunities. Good pay, a field I want to get into, and my stepmom offered to handle childcare for the time I'd be in that town.

Great first interview with Director.

Great second interview with the assoc dean. She called our conversation "simply a delight". Of course, "I was a great fit".

And then... crickets.

I finally emailed the head of the search committee to ask the status. He emailed me back that my suspicions were correct, they had put forth another candidate. And, though "almost" doesn't really matter, that it had been a close decision, I had a "lot to offer", and that I just needed to be a little more patient. Surely, I'd find something.

So I'm an outstanding teacher. I give excellent conference paper talks. I'm a delight. I have a lot to offer.     I'm smart, funny, personable, easy to work with, but also self-motivated. I have a range of desirable skills. But I still can't find work? I feel like I'm the "ugly chick" in a bad 80s movie whose love interests keep telling her "you're such a wonderful (unfuckable) person, you'll find love some day".

So I just need to be a bit more patient. Do people say shit like this to men? Because I'm pretty sure that no one would say this crap to me if I had a penis. Just wait around for your job equivalent of prince charming, I'm sure he'll come along some day? Do people say shit like this to people in the STEMs fields? Or am I double screwed as a woman w/ a Humanities degree?

How about something honest and constructive? I'd even better understand if someone would just say "we didn't want to deal with employing you from out of state and have you commute." Fin, fair 'nuff. Or, "we wanted someone with more experience". Fine. Or in the academic world: "we wanted a continentalist" or "we wanted someone from a better school/with more publications/whatever." I'm tired of hearing from my former colleagues "you're fantastic to work with, anyone would want to hire you!" and from employers "you're great, we'd love to hire you, but we won't!"

Dear lord, the job market cycle isn't even upon us and I'm already full of vinegar and bile. The fall looks to be infuriating with a chance of deeply depressing. This was a bad week to decide to give up drinking on weeknights.